Sport

No-one beats England like England

Montag, 14. Juni 2010 | Text: Gastbeitrag | Bild: Dirk Gebhardt

Geschätzte Lesezeit: eine Minute

As any England fan will tell you, „no-one beats England like England“ but we seem to have moved on to a higher plain with the game against the USA. It is a well known fact that England cannot take penalties and through the years this has become something of a mental problem for the England Team.
 

England has, since 1990, gone out of major tournaments a massive 5 times on penalties. We are unbeatable in open play but when it comes to penalties we might as well pack up and go home. It is a terrible record that we would love to let the Italians take over (they are not so hot at penalties either!).

But now the next mental curse is upon us, the Curse of the English Goal keeper! Yes Gordon Banks was brilliant but that was 44 years ago! Peter Shilton wasn’t bad (except when he was out jumped by that cheating, handballing, dwarf Argentine) but since he went it has been one catastrophe after the other! It looked as if Robert Green was TRYING to steer the ball into his own goal and I have a theory about that.
Now I think what happened with Green on Saturday night was an attempt by England to say sorry to the Americans about the BP oil spill, and  maybe also, we hoped that they may knock a few bucks off our national debt. The USA looked nowhere near scoring and England can’t bear to make it easy for themselves or their fans so… let’s help our colonial cousins out with a goal and that will make group C much more interesting.
 

My German friends you have no idea what it is to suffer under the football madness that is England, your team cruises to comfortable 4-0 wins against underdogs like Australia  and when you get beaten it is by big sides who are playing well. England don’t need that, they will put the ball in their own net for you! But it is only the beginning of the WM, I am sure we can provide more entertainment for you as we have another 2 goalkeepers in reserve and if everything continues as badly for us as it has started then, Sschland will meet Ingerlaand in the next round! Penalties anyone????

Phil Bonney
Bundesliga Football Commentator and Südstadt Engländer

Text: Gastbeitrag

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